Let’s talk overthinking
Hey! It’s been a minute. I haven’t been posting because my mental health has been pretty bad and I have been working on myself off of social media. But, while I’m on my journey to get better, I thought I would share with you everything that I will be learning and working on. I’m back & ready to discuss overthinking because this–overthinking–has been my KILLER.
There is nothing I hate more than getting stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts that absolutely cloud my judgement and suck the happiness from my brain. If you experience overthinking I think it’s safe to say that this feeling is pretty horrible and can completely ruin your day. I don’t know why I overthink. This is something I have tried to think about and find reasoning behind why I am this way. And, the truth is its not your fault these thoughts consume you. You have a mental illness. Your feelings are real and valid.
Overthinking is horrible because I will go from misinterpreting the situation and making an assumption–that in most cases is just so wrong–to thinking about the worst scenario possible that could potentially happen. My therapist and I have been working on this A LOT.
For some reason I feel like everyone is out to get me, like i’m a burden and I suck. And thinking this way continuously diminishes my self-worth.
One technique I have tried to use is questioning those negative and inaccurate thoughts by asking myself, “where is the evidence?” It’s very important to notice when you start to experience these negative thoughts so that you are able to stop yourself and reframe your thinking. The first step in gaining control over your thoughts is my recognition and reframing.
What is overthinking?
Overthinking is the habit of applying analytical thinking and problem-solving in a situation where it is unhelpful or unproductive. When overthinking becomes a consistent part of your life, it can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, relationship conflict, and many other problems. Overthinking is linked to psychological problems, like depression and anxiety. It's likely that overthinking causes mental health to decline and as your mental health declines, the more likely you are to overthink.
Symptoms of overthinking
When you're overthinking you might feel like your brain won't shut off. When you try to sleep, you might even feel as though your brain is on overdrive as it replays scenarios in your head and causes you to imagine bad things happening. The way my thoughts travel and pop up is crazy. I could be relaxing and feeling calm and then BOOM a negative thoughts appears and they start spiraling in my head.
A few examples of overthinking
To illustrate what overthinking actually looks like in everyday life, let’s walk through a few examples of common types of overthinking:
Worry. Worry is a form of overthinking where we imagine possible problems or dangers in the future. Of course, anticipating problems or threats in the future is often a good thing to do! But helpful planning is different from unhelpful worry in that worry doesn’t actually lead to new information or insights that can be helpful. For example, your spouse is on a plane flight and you start worrying about different ways the plane could crash and kill your spouse. This kind of thinking doesn’t actually keep your spouse safe, plus it adds a lot of stress and anxiety to you. Worry is one of the most common types of overthinking.
Depressive Rumination. Rumination is a type of overthinking in which we replay events from the past in an unhelpful way. Depressive rumination is a specific form of brooding or dwelling on our own past mistakes or failures. As opposed to helpful reflection, depressive rumination is unproductive and doesn’t lead to anything but shame, guilt, and sadness at oneself. Depressive rumination is one of the key drivers of not only depression, but also self-criticalness and low self-esteem.
Angry Rumination. Angry rumination is similar to depressive rumination except the object of the overthinking is usually other people and their mistakes rather than yourself. For example, after a fight with your spouse, you find yourself replaying arguments you’ve had with them in the past and going over evidence of why you were right and they were wrong. Although it often feels good in the moment, angry rumination tends to lead to aggression, resentment, and distorted beliefs about other people in our lives.
Fix-It Mode. Fix-It Mode is a form of overthinking that happens when you’re listening to someone else describe a painful or difficult experience. Because you have a hard time tolerating the anxiety that comes from hearing about someone else’s difficulty, you begin thinking about (and often suggesting) ways to fix the problem or do things differently. Fix-It Mode is a form of overthinking because you’re applying problem-solving-style thinking when what would be more helpful is to simply listen empathetically and validate the person’s difficulty rather than trying to fix it (and make yourself feel better in the process).
(Credits to Nick Wignall)
Tips to help you stop overthinking
I am no pro, I’m only sharing my experiences and what I have found that has helped me through my mental health struggles.
Notice When You're Stuck in Your Head. Overthinking can become such a habit that you don't even recognize when you're doing it. Start paying attention to the way you think so you can become aware of the problem.
When you’re replaying events in your mind over and over, or worrying about things you can’t control, acknowledge that this isn’t productive. Thinking is only helpful when it leads to positive action.
Keep the Focus on Problem-Solving.
Dwelling on your problems isn’t helpful—but looking for solutions is. If it’s something you have some control over, consider how you can prevent the problem, or challenge yourself to identify five potential solutions.
If it’s something you have no control over—like a natural disaster—think about the strategies you can use to cope with it. Focus on the things you can control, like your attitude and effort.
Challenge Your Thoughts.
It’s easy to get carried away with negative thoughts. So, before you conclude that calling in sick is going to get you fired, or that forgetting one deadline will cause you to become homeless, acknowledge that your thoughts may be exaggeratedly negative.
Remember that your emotions will interfere with your ability to look at situations objectively. Take a step back and look at the evidence. What evidence do you have that your thought is true? What evidence do you have that your thought isn’t true?
Schedule Time for Reflection.
Dwelling on your problems for long periods of time isn’t productive, but brief reflection can be helpful. Thinking about how you could do things differently or recognizing potential pitfalls to your plan could help you perform better in the future.
Incorporate 20 minutes of “thinking time” into your daily schedule. During that time period, let yourself worry, ruminate, or mull over whatever you want.
When your time is up, move on to something else. And, when you start overthinking things outside of your scheduled time, simply remind yourself that you’ll need to wait until your “thinking time” to address those issues in your mind.
Learn Mindfulness Skills.
It’s impossible to rehash yesterday or worry about tomorrow when you’re living in the present. Mindfulness will help you become more aware of the here and now.
Just like any other skill, mindfulness takes practice, but over time, it can decrease overthinking. There are classes, books, apps, courses, and videos available to help you learn mindfulness skills.
Change the Channel.
Telling yourself to stop thinking about something will backfire. The more you try to prevent a thought from entering your brain, the more likely it is to keep popping up.
Change the channel in your brain by changing your activity. Exercise, engage in conversation on a completely different subject, or work on a project that distracts you. Doing something different will put an end to the barrage of negative thoughts.
The reason why we overthink is because of what I call the mental health trinity: fear, worry, and anxiety. This just feeds your anxiety and fear. When we overthink we often think about these things: what might happen, what we are afraid of, and what the consequences of our actions will be.
The most important thing to realize about what causes overthinking is that it comes from a good place.
Like we said earlier, the ability to think critically and analytically is a wonderful tool when applied to problems that can be solved with thinking.
Overthinking is just a misdirected application of a good thing!
In other words, the habit of overthinking comes from perfectly understandable and even helpful behaviors.
If you want to stop overthinking, the key thing to realize is that overthinking is a habit. This means that it will not happen overnight and will take a sustained effort. It also means that your progress will be messy—some form of two steps forward one step back.
If you are in the habit of overthinking frequently, give yourself the following rule:
I will try my best not to overthink. But if I must, I will only do it on paper.
Overthinking is essentially a cognitive distortion.
Cognitive distortions are errors in thinking that lead to excessive emotional reactions.
For example:
I’ll never pass this stupid test. Obviously you can’t see the future no matter how much it feels like you’ll never pass the test.
She probably thought I was a complete idiot. Reading people’s minds is equally unlikely as knowing the future.
God, why am I such an idiot?! Labeling yourself as an idiot because you made a mistake is a BIT of an overgeneralization.
How we habitually think determines how we habitually feel.
The basic problem is that overthinking is often a response to feeling bad emotionally. But when your thinking is riddled with these cognitive distortions, you end up feeling even worse. Which means you tend to overthink even more. See where this is going?
An effective way to break the cycle of overthinking is to get good at spotting cognitive distortions in your self-talk. Because when you can point out that your thinking is not entirely accurate, you’ll be more likely to generate a more balanced and emotionally neutral way of thinking.
The key idea behind mindfulness is that you can train yourself to be aware of things without thinking about them. Sometimes I try not to think more about why I’m feeling a certain way and try to help myself deal with that specific emotion.
When we avoid these feelings, our brain begins to spiral with thoughts that make us feel even worse or amplify the emotion.
The problem with avoidance is, while it can lead to temporary relief, you never actually move forward on anything. Decisions don’t get made, difficult feelings don’t get properly dealt with or processes, uncomfortable relationship tension never gets genuinely addressed. All of which means, problems persist and fester and grow.
I hope this can help you if you start feeling your thoughts go to a negative place.
