Take a “REST”
This is a new technique I have learned that is definitely effective in allowing you to take a step back from the situation to form rational thoughts instead of acting impulsively based on your current emotion. Remember, emotions come and go. They are temporary. So… this is a great technique to help you start taking control over your impulsive reactions and actions.
“REST” is the first distress tolerance strategy you need to learn in order to start your journey of having control over irrational and self-destructive behaviors.
REST is an acronym that reminds you to:
Relax
Evaluate
Set an intention
Take action
Changing any behavioral habit is difficult. It requires you to know what actions you want to change, when you want to change them, and what alternative actions you want to do instead. But equally important it also requires that you remember that you want to do something differently in the first place.
Often this is the hardest step–remembering that you want to change—especially when you're feeling overwhelmed by your emotions.
The first step to changing any problematic or self-destructive behavior—and to not act impulsively—is to use the REST strategy.
So let’s break it down.
Relax. The first step of the process is to relax. Stop what You're doing. Freeze. Take a breath. Pause. Step away from the situation for a few seconds to get a different perspective. Just don't do what you normally do. Don't act impulsively. Do your best to remind yourself that you have an opportunity to behave differently.
Create some "space" between your desire to act impulsively and your actual reaction.Evaluate. Next, ask yourself what's happening in this situation. What are the facts? Just do a quick evaluation. You don't have to figure it all out, and you don't have to do an in-depth analysis of why you're feeling the way you do. You don't even have to solve the problem if it's too complicated Just do your best to get a sense of whats occurring. Maybe just ask yourself a few simple questions, like these: "How do I feel"? “What’s happening?" "Is anyone in danger?"
Set an Intention. The third step is to set an intention, to do something. In this case, an intention is a target, goal, or plan about what you’re going to do. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now?" Do you need to do something for yourself? Then maybe choose one of the coping skills (check out blog “Let’s talk coping skills” for more on this) or, do you need to solve a bigger problem? Whatever you choose to do, it doesn't have to be the final or best solution to the problem right now, but hopefully it will be something healthy that will help cope.
Take Action. Finally, take action. Put your plan into motion. Proceed mindfully which means move ahead slowly and with awareness of what you're doing. Whatever your intention was in the last step, do it now as calmly and effectively as you can. Again, this action may not be the ultimate solution to the problem at hand, but if you follow these steps, Your mindful action is likely to be healthier and more effective than the self-destructive action you would have taken if you had just reacted impulsively.
So now that you know the REST strategy, the next step in changing your self-destructive and problematic behaviors is to identify and anticipate when you will likely have to use REST.
Brainstorm possible situations that you may encounter in the future, and make a plan for yourself on how you are going to act differently and not let overwhelming emotions control our actions.
Usually you’ll know there's an opportunity to do something differently when feeling an intense negative emotion, especially an emotion that makes you want to avoid something or become aggressive with someone.
Let me know if you try this technique!!! If you want more of these types of skills, you might want to consider trying DBT therapy, or purchasing the book on amazon.
To check out The Dialectical Behavior Skills Workbook, click here
Xo, MH
